Breathe Again
by Chloe Veverka
Summary: Bonnie has returned from the dead, and her friends immediately surround her with love. But there's one vampire in particular she wants to see. Set after 5x07 and my take on how everyone, especially Damon, would respond to Bonnie coming back to life. Inspired by the Sara Bareilles song "Breathe Again" lyrics: "Out of breath I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again." BAMON.


**A/N 1: **I wrote this after I watched the season five episodes in which doppelgänger blood brings Bonnie back from the dead and the girls welcome Bonnie to college. Similarly to how the writers handled Jeremy letting Bonnie's secret out of the bag, I was disappointed with how we only got to see certain characters' reactions when they learn about Bonnie's death, let alone her resurrection. In particular, I was mad and confused as to why we didn't get to see Damon's reaction to Bonnie being successfully brought back considering he was the one championing the "Let's Bring Bonnie Back" Plan the hardest. So I wrote this as a missing or alternate scene for the night that Bonnie comes back. It may be a smidge OOC for Damon and Bonnie, but hopefully not in a distracting way. This is a Bamon story, though other characters pop up.

**A/N 2:** I also wrote this drabble with my music on shuffle. So I was inspired by the song "Breathe Again" by Sara Bareilles. I include some her lyrics in italics in the story, and that is where the title comes from. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer**: I do not own the rights or characters to _The Vampire Diaries. _

**Breathe Again**

_All those words came undone, and now I'm not the only one_

_Facing the ghost that decided the fire inside still burns._

Spindles of chestnut and gold sparkled in her view as thick, soft curls fell around her like curtains drawn on a canopy bed. It was a striking feeling of security considering how violently she'd just felt her whole body, her whole being, be rearranged and zapped into the living world. But just as instantly as the electricity of witch power had coursed through her, pulling her away from the cold shell of death that surrounded her on the Other Side, she felt cold tears press against her cheeks as she was immersed in a wave of familiar, warm sensations. A light had flashed in their eyes as Bonnie watched Caroline and Elena look towards her, at her, and finally see her. She had been searching for this feeling for months, maybe years, maybe all of her life; holding on desperately despite the coldness that had filled her veins the minute her heart had stopped beating. Love. She felt loved. It was palpable, real, not something she assumed, dreamed of, as she had wandered in stoic loneliness. She could feel the love caress her warming skin in the voices that cried and laughed and spoke her name in whispers and giggles and broken sobs of melodic alliteration sputtering, "Bonnie, you're back. You're back, Bonnie."

**Bonnie Bennett, back. Breathe. Back. You're back, Bonnie. Breathe. **

She buried her face in the shoulders of her best friends as they held on to her. She choked when she felt a hand stroke her hair, when she felt lips kiss her cheek. So much love through touch.

Touch. How she missed being touched. Being able to touch. Being heard. Being seen. Just being.

**Breathe. Bonnie Bennett is. To breathe. No longer not to be.**

She began to feel overwhelmed. But they could hear the front door open and footsteps run from the entrance to one room then another until crossing the threshold where Caroline and Elena held her. Bonnie peered up into Matt's tearful eyes, watching as his heavy breathing turned into a strange mix of laughter and sobbing. His tears fell easily as he stormed towards her. Smiling with her own waterfall cascading down her cheeks, she squeezed her best friends before pulling away. She moved past them, bracing the impact of Matt's buff arms wrapping around her and scooping her into a strong hug.

"You're alive!" he spoke into her shoulder.

She squeezed him for all her worth. "Sort of," she admitted sheepishly.

He twirled her in his arms. "I don't care about the details. Don't wanna know. Just gonna hold you until we're caught up on three months' worth."

As her world spun vividly, she laughed and watched as in quick glimpses, she saw Caroline clasp her hands to her chest, smiling and crying as Elena rested her head on her shoulder and Jeremy held one of his sister's hands.

"This calls for a celebration," Elena decided.

Caroline clapped her hands. "We're totally getting wasted tonight."

Elena nodded. "I'm going to call Damon and Stefan. Let them know we did it." She excused herself while digging into her pocket for her phone.

Bonnie and Matt came to a standstill, holding onto each other as the room continued to spin around them. "A party? Tonight? Guys, I just…" Bonnie began.

Caroline held her hand out. "Sshh. I don't want to hear it." She closed the distance between them and cradled Bonnie's face in her hands delicately. "You were dead for months. It sucked. It sucked…beyond repair. And you're back, breathing."

"Sorta," Bonnie corrected. Matt rolled his eyes.

"Sorta, kinda, I don't care. You're my best friend and I love you and I'm never taking you for granted ever again and that means the first task is all of us getting drunk and eating crappy food and being happy and loving you," Caroline rambled while crying harder.

"Oh Care, Care don't you dare keep crying," Bonnie said with a smile, wrapping her arms around her shoulders. "I'm not going anywhere."

"We should celebrate, though," Jeremy added. "Just us."

"Totally. We'll throw a bigger bash later. But tonight, it's just family," Caroline suggested. "Low key. No outsiders or newbies."

Matt rested his hand on Bonnie's head affectionately. "Nothing but the best, and the strongest, for you, Bon."

Bonnie sighed. "I could use a strong drink. Really, really strong. Maybe even drink up Damon's good stuff," she added with a mischievous look to Caroline.

The blonde smiled back equally. "Now that's what I like to hear. Matt, want to help me grab supplies?" Caroline asked, looking subtly between Bonnie and Jeremy.

"Uhh, sure!" Matt replied after a beat, catching her hint.

No sooner had the former cheerleader and football player left the room did Elena return. "Stefan's on his way, though he sounded a bit off." She shook her head but her frown remained on her face. "I can't get Damon, though."

Jeremy looked to his sister. "Maybe he's still busy taking care of Amara."

Bonnie looked between the Gilberts. "Where did Damon last check in from?"

The woods were lovely if not quiet, dark, and vast. It had taken a while to drive around the forest outskirts before she found Damon's parked car. And as she weaved through trees and over rocks, she could feel the weight of just how tired she felt. But she had roamed a version of these woods for a while on the Other Side, and while she didn't feel her former connection to Nature through her nerves, she felt as though something was drawing her towards Damon. She would normally question that feeling, but right now, she just accepted that she really wanted to see him and let that desire guide her.

She halted mid-step when she finally found him, startled by what she saw. By how quickly she could tell what she saw. Broken. He looked so broken. It didn't matter that she was looking at his back rather than his face into his telling eyes. It didn't matter that he was hunched over, black sleeves rolled up to the elbow, moving with military precision as he filled what looked like a grave. She imagined it was Amara somewhere underneath the dark soil. She let a moment of sympathy pass for the girl she had barely known, but whose presence had given them the means to return Bonnie to the land of the living…somewhat. Amara had sought freedom from an unspeakable hell. And yet in her stead, Bonnie could now stand in full view of the people who meant so much to her.

There was a tension in his arms that had nothing to do with the lightweight ease a vampire must have possessed with burying a body. It had everything to do with the aura radiating from him. A hopelessness. It was the same body language she witnessed when Jeremy confessed her secret death, despite all protests. It was the same downtrodden spirit she had seen flash through his countenance—the shock to disbelief to denial to anger to…to something that would have made her dead heart skip…to finish with sadness. For her.

She watched as he aggressively stabbed the shovel into a rigid position, then let out a heavy sigh.

"Damnit…" he cursed under his breath, his head tilting upward. She pressed her hand against her stomach. His voice had cracked. And with it, her less dead heart cracked a bit. She had to stop this…voyeurism she had adopted as a habit over the months. She needed to be again.

_Out of breath, I am left hoping someday_

_I'll breathe again._

"You'd think you vampires could dig graves faster than that. I mean, you guys have that super speed flash and all—seems stupid if that didn't apply to clean up duty, too," she called from her position. Her voice was tired, still weak from having an actual manifestation in this realm. But she could hear the lilt of sarcasm in it that she wished into being.

She had never seen him as still as he became the minute she spoke. She swore he could be mistaken for an alabaster sculpture. Or for beautiful Death in the smooth, perfect way his skin shone in the dim speckles of moon peeking through the clouds overhead. But she found herself able to move towards him, realizing that she had felt frozen before out of fear. Fear of how he would respond. Fear of catching his super hearing before she was ready to speak to him.

As though her footsteps crunching on branches and leaves was the sign he needed, he turned around slowly and faced her approach. She felt déjà vu hit her again, this time of his face as she emerged from bushes on a faraway island; when he had been so relieved to see her, he had wrapped her in his arms for the first time. He had been warmer to the touch than she expected, as though the coldness he exuded on a good day was just a façade of what he wanted others to see.

She didn't miss the quick way he wiped what looked like tears from his face. Not before he squinted at her. She tried to not falter in her steps. If she faltered, she was afraid she might not be able to move again. He looked predatory. He didn't trust what his eyes saw. She couldn't blame him. Silas had taken something away from all of them with his mind tricks. She kept on. She would show him her bravery; remind him of her courage regarding him.

His squint widened as she was within arm's length. He was clearly processing her being there. Her being.

"Damon…" she began to speak.

He instantly stepped forward and gave her a firm shove in her shoulder. It was fairly light considering his true strength, but it had enough force behind it that, her being unprepared, she staggered backward and almost further when she tripped over a tree root.

"What the Hell, Damon?" she spoke out. He poked her in her arm and she pulled away. "Why are you…" she tried to get out, but he tugged on the edge of her cardigan. She swept her arms out, blocking his fingers' attacks. "Would you stop with the damn prodding? It's obnox…"

Her words were muffled as his hand grabbed her bicep and she found her face suddenly against his shirt. His arms wrapped tightly around her as one hand dug into her hair. His other hand pressed against her back before he was stock still again. The stillness scared her. She wasn't used to his silence and stillness. It reminded her of the scary parts of death. She caught just how quickly her heart was beating in confusion only to be replaced by the gradual awareness that he would be able to feel her rapid heart right under his splayed palm. Feel her lungs expand and contract as she took deep breaths. She realized he was looking for her heart. To see if it sped up as it usually did when she was around him. As though he could read her mind, she felt his body relax her as a faint blush fell across her cheeks. She had passed his first test. His face pressed against the crown of her head, and she softened and wrapped her arms around him tighter in turn. She expected him to say something, but he simply held her, enveloped her. His hand stroked her hair like Caroline's had before, only…different. But it was still soothing.

When his voice finally found itself, he spoke with his mouth against her hair, "She had already stabbed herself before I could stop her. When she went down, I thought that was it. I thought we'd failed…again…"

"Time was actually on our side…for once," Bonnie offered with a shrug.

"Barely. Too close." He sighed, and the warmth from his breath heated her scalp in a ticklish yet deliciously comforting way. She decided…it would be okay to hold him a bit tighter…just this once. "I saw her die. And I thought it meant you were certainly dead. It was…" he paused. She was tempted to look up into his face, but that would mean breaking their current embrace. And she was honest enough with herself to decide she didn't want to do that just yet. "It was like a flashback to Ric. Watching him drop all of a sudden. Realizing...it meant Elena was dropping dead somewhere in the world, too. And not having a clue where she was. No way to save her. With you already dead, I wouldn't be able to see you if Amara died because you'd remain invisible. I wouldn't be able to say…anything…to you, to find you to do so. Two lives connected to one. It…" he struggled to find the right word.

"Sucked?" she whispered.

He scoffed, but the sadness was there. "Really sucked." She made to pull away at this point, but he held on longer at her movements. "I know what you're going to say, Bennett. 'Careful Damon, or I'll think you care.'"

"The idea had crossed my mind."

"Then maybe…by some sheer slip in sanity…the idea had crossed your mind that I just might care. I might care more than I let on."

She smiled against his shirt. "I had a brainwashing evil-vampire-witch-traveler-bastard stuck in my head, plus a Dark Expressions power clouding my mind. I think my sanity has been fairly questionable for a while."

Damon chuckled softly, and the rise and fall of his chest felt pleasant against her cheek. "Good point, Judgy."

It was her time to scoff as she pulled back a little to glare up at him. "You make it sound like me having good points is such a rare thing."

He shrugged. "Hey, you're the one who's been all silent poltergeist this summer. Couldn't you have, I don't know, written words on a mirror during a shower? You know, use condensation or something."

Her nose wrinkled at the thought. "That would require hanging out in someone's bathroom while she showered. That's _not at all_ creepy."

"Um, hello. I _was _talking about _my_ shower."

"Eww."

He rolled his eyes. "'Eww'? Really? You're going to 'ew' at this?" He motioned with one hand at his body before tentatively replacing his hand around her frame. "How old are you again?"

"Nowhere near as old as you, Mister."

He rolled his eyes at the crack at his age, though she grinned. He continued, "You could've possessed someone. Speak through them to let us know?"

"What do you think Jeremy was doing?"

"Oh please. Baby Gilbert was keeping your secret like a good little lap dog. Lot of good that did us! If I knew you were dead earlier, we could've saved you a lot sooner!"

Bonnie moved to pull away and put her hands on her hips, but he held on. She continued to let the annoyance build, though. "I died, Damon. I didn't think there was a way to undo death. You know, it being death and all?"

"Hello?" He pointed at himself. "Vampire. There's always a way. Or a loophole. Something. Bottom line, you should have reached out to me sooner."

"Why? What could you have honestly done, Damon? Things apparently needed to run their course in order for the planets and stars and doppelgängers to align properly. You wouldn't have been able to do anything any earlier besides feel…whatever the Hell it is you're feeling right now."

"What I'm feeling right now? You mean anger that your dumbass did such a ridiculously powerful spell you clearly weren't ready for? That you were willing to…no, that you DID put your life on the line for Jeremy Gilbert of all people. AGAIN. It's like you didn't learn the first time when the witches got pissed you revived your boy toy. And you did it again. Didn't matter who else you were going to hurt in the process."

"You mean Elena? Damon, I did it so Elena would have her brother back. You saw what happened after Jeremy died. Hell, you had to be there to pick up the pieces when she completely and totally snapped. She needed her brother."

"SHE NEEDED HER BEST FRIEND, TOO! SO DID CAROLINE. So did the Mutt. I'm sure if Stefan hadn't been, you know, drowning in a safe all summer long because neither Elena nor I realized he was actually missing rather than just being rightfully pissed at us, he'd have been worried sick about you, too." The utter anger in his eyes was frightening if it wasn't suspiciously heartwarming.

"What about you, Damon."

"What about me, Bennett."

"You haven't told me how my 'stupidity' affected you."

His eyes turned wild for a moment. "You mean how much I wanted to kill you myself the minute Jeremy told me you were dead?"

She glared at him. "Don't bullshit me, Damon. I was there when Jeremy told you. I saw your reaction."

"If you saw it, then what do you want from me?"

"I want you to be what you always are with me when you aren't bullshitting me."

"Which is what, oh Judgy one?"

"HONEST. Damon, just be honest."

"Why do you need to hear me say it?"

"Because for the past bunch of months, no one could see me but Jer. No one could hear me. All I could do was watch as all of you went from having the best summer ever to suffering. And suffering. And all I could do was suffer with you in silence. And all I want right now is to feel. I can feel you hugging me, Damon. I can feel you, and I can feel the wind on my skin, and I can move the earth with my footsteps and I have waited what feels like millennia to breathe again and I need to hear you actually talk to me rather than talk at me because you can't see me." She felt a momentum kick in to her words as she stared up into his eyes, imploring him to see her sincerity and not run from it with sarcasm. "I saw how much hurt you actually felt knowing I was dead. I could almost see your mind ticking away at how Elena would react. I saw you hug Jer…someone else you claim you hate. I heard and saw how even when you couldn't interact with me, you still wanted to know what I thought of your plan. You acted like I was still part of the team, your crime fighting partner."

"Death wouldn't stop you from being that," he muttered in agreement.

She nodded with half a smile, biting her lip fiercely before making herself go on. "You didn't give up on me. Of all the people I thought would be there, would actually show how much they missed me, you…and Jer…didn't give up. Ever. Even when Elena's life was on the line and you had to choose…"

"About that," Damon began to say.

She shook her head. "It was a crap play on Silas's part. But I was there, Damon. Your thoughts about me summoned me there and I saw how angry and frustrated it made you. You…"

"I get it," he gently cut her off. He shook his head. "I get it. Fine. You shouldn't have gone out like that, and it didn't feel right, and maybe I didn't want Elena to break while missing you, but maybe even more than that…Maybe after having Ric gone, I realized that you were the next most competent Scooby Doo member, martyr complex and all. Or that hearing your voice reminded me that yeah, the world sucks sometimes and yeah, *****I*** **suck a lot of the time, but that's no excuse to give up or make it harder on everyone because lazy and arrogant aren't great looks on me. Maybe you help make me a better person just by not letting me get away with anything and that lately, all I've been doing is getting away with being whipped and making stupid calls. Maybe I realized that sure, we could have used your magic, but we just needed you, period. Maybe there was a definite void where my sparring partner had once been. Maybe I missed seeing a certain green pair of judgmental eyes bearing down on me. Or I missed when it happened but at some point, I considered you the closest friend I have, even though you hate me most of the time. Maybe I just missed you."

She smiled softly, spoke even softer, "See…that wasn't so hard, was it."

"The worse." He grinned but his face turned serious. "I missed you, Bonnie."

"Funny thing is…I missed you, too, Damon."

His hand rested against her cheek, cupping against her skin. She felt her cheeks grow warmer at the intimacy. She wasn't sure she could look into his eyes with him so close and his words so unusual yet powerful.

"You're really here?" he asked with uncertainty.

She had to open her eyes at that. "Can't you feel me?" she whispered.

"Yes, but…this could be an illusion. I've seen things before that weren't real; it gets hard to tell the difference."

She faltered, but decided to be bold and rest her hand against his. Her fingers snuck around his and held on. "I'm here, Damon."

"How do I know it's you and not Silas?"

She looked away from him, pondering that. Silas was a telepath. There really wasn't anything Damon would know that Silas wouldn't have been able to find out. She sighed and decided she needed to say something, though.

"You brought my grimoire to my…funeral. Which made sense. You swore to Emily to protect my family, so of course me being a witch would be the first and foremost thing about my identity you acknowledge. But you also always had a confidence about me, underneath all of those condescending remarks. And," she sighed before continuing, "I know I said something to Elena, Caroline, and Matt at the service. I didn't say anything to you. I couldn't say anything to you. I had no idea what to say to you out loud…in front of everyone…that would be honest or convey how I felt. …You have a way of making me speechless sometimes, tongue-tied. And I didn't know how to say goodbye to you. Because I've observed over the years that Damon Salvatore isn't good with goodbyes that aren't done on his terms. You're so stubborn like that."

She could see it in his eyes that he knew she was shifting the subject slightly, getting away from her feelings. She wasn't in a place to talk about that yet. His eyes softened and she knew she had said something right when he asked, "Are you okay, Bonnie?"

She had done so well, but the sincerity with which he asked made her laugh and start to cry. "I'm okay. I'm alive. And I'm here. How can I not be okay?"

He pressed a firm kiss against her forehead before pulling her into a hug again. "Do me a favor and the next time you think about doing a spell that might kill you, call me so I can come and slap some sense into you? For that matter, why the Hell didn't you text me that you were alive again?"

She sighed into his jacket. "Damon, I tried to call you before I came out here. So did Elena. You didn't pick up."

"Yeah, well, I was busy hiding a body in the woods while mourning over yet another botched chance to bring you back. I didn't really want to face the music and admit failure if I could avoid it for a little longer."

She pulled away from his hug, but not without holding onto one of his hands. She tugged on their connection so he would follow her. He grabbed the shovel in passing and silently let her guide them. "How's this. I promise I'll consult you before I do a potentially suicidal spell…if I can even do spells anymore…"

"You didn't test your magic yet?"

"Excuse me if I wasn't busy enjoying the fact that my best friends could see me. And if I wanted to come out here and make sure you were okay."

He half-grinned at her. "Aww, it's sounding suspiciously like you care _a lot _about me, Bennett."

"Shut up."

"I think death made you a softie, Judgy."

"What happened to actually calling me by name?" she replied to the nickname.

"Can't overindulge you too much. You'll let it go to your head."

"Spoken like someone projecting."

"Are you going to make up for lost time by psychoanalyzing whatever pops into your head? Because if that's the case, I'm going to start carrying ear plugs around with me."

"Oh how I missed you picking on me all of the time," she replied sarcastically.

"You love it, don't deny it."

She stood on her toes and kissed low on his cheek, near the corner of his mouth. "I plead the fifth," she replied. He looked into her eyes in surprise, but his responding smile was the most sincere smile she had ever seen on him, directed at her.

_Open up next to you,_

_And my secrets become your truth. _

Peace. There was a settling aura of peace surrounding her, finally, as she looked at him. It was that instant—the moment when the corners of his eyes relaxed, possibly for the first time in weeks. Tension seeped out and she was witness yet again to the emotions he normally hid with relative ease. The shock from earlier had given way to excitement at victory that Silas was gone. But victory was quickly replaced with relief that she was actually back. And with relief, she could see peace mirrored back at her. And affection she was allowing herself to show him outwardly.

He cleared his throat, though the smile lingered on his face. "Well, I'm sure Blondie and Elena are pissed that you're out here with me when they'd want to catch up and do nails and all that stuff."

"Caroline actually insisted that we celebrate my homecoming and Silas and Tessa being gone tonight, just the usual crew. She and Matt are on a booze and snack run."

"Ooh, perfect. Nothing says 'Big Baddie of the Season is dead, let's get shitfaced and dance' like a party at the Salvatore house. So as much as this has been fun," he tucked her hand into the crook of his elbow, leaned down to playfully bump his forehead against hers, "and don't let my crass tone fool you, it has been…enlightening…" he straightened up, "we should head back and celebrate the Return of the Prodigal Bennett." Grasping the shovel, he let her lead them out of the forest towards their respective cars.


End file.
